The other day I was singing the song, “You’re a Mean One, Mr. Grinch” to myself. If you’re not familiar with the song, you can give it a listen below. (Spoiler alert: it’s basically a lavishly produced list of undesirable traits.)
I’ve sung this song a lot (it is, to date, my best-received karaoke performance). But this time, I wondered, “Are any of these lyrics relatable at all?”
So naturally I whipped up a Google Forms survey that listed every Grinchy attribute in the song, from being “a mean one” to being “a three-decker sauerkraut and toadstool sandwich with arsenic sauce.” Survey respondents were asked to indicate how much they agreed or disagreed that each descriptor accurately applied to them, with a response of “1” indicating they “strongly disagree,” and “5” indicating they “strongly agree.”
The survey got about 50 responses, so unfortunately this sample size is on the naughty list. Guess I won’t be getting Ph.D. for Christmas.
Most respondents don’t feel very Grinchy
I averaged each respondent’s inputs for a final “Grinchiness Score” between 1 and 5. The average Grinchiness Score was 2.41 out of 5—just shy of neutral—with a standard deviation of 0.74.
I relate to the Grinch a bit more than you
Although I *love* Christmas, I also love wacky descriptons. The average of my responses was 2.96, which puts me at about the 78th percentile.
Some respondents were a good deal Grinchier than me. The highest score was a whoppin’ 3.81!
Most relatable traits
Some traits resonated more than others. I expected “You’ve got garlic in your soul” to be the most popular, because that sounds super tasty. What I didn’t expect was for so many of my connections’ brains to be filled with spiders.
Least relatable traits
The two Grinch traits with the lowest average scores had zero respondents who “strongly agree.” Turns out not many people self-identify as having “termites in [their] smile” or being “a vile one.” Good on you folks.
All the grinchiness traits, in order of relatability
In case you’re curious, here are the average responses for all the traits.
(The most fascinating thing about this to me is that very few people agree that they are a “crooked, dirty jockey,” but many more agree that they “drive a crooked hoss.”)